You know how sometimes when you first meet someone (in a romantic sense) they seem just amazing. Then slowly as you get to know them all the differences between you begin to emerge. Toilet seats left up, snoring, wet towels on the floor, chewing with the mouth open...all those fun things. They aren't any less amazing then when you first met them, you yourself just begin to focus more on the differences between you rather than the similarities. I know I did. The "oh man, this will never work" fears creep in. "How can he be so insensitive", "will he ever change?"....I am pretty sure in my case it was all Fear. Self-preservation. Problem is, when we question the person we love, I mean really question them we are dooming ourselves to a relationship full of struggles, full of pain. Why is it so hard for so many of us to just accept people for who they are? Why is there that need to change the people around us, to make them more like us. Do we really think we are that great? Man, I am so guilty of all of this.
When I met hubs I was head over heels for him but still had those little nagging thoughts....if he could just do this different, say this instead of that, be better at this or that....ridiculousness. We have been together 8 years now. Finally, after all this time I am done judging. Done letting my stupid fears have any say. My husband is amazing just how he is. He has always been. It was me who was getting in the way of us. We struggled a lot, I mean a lot and maybe we had to. Maybe all that made us who we are now....or maybe we could've been as great as we are now for years if I had just let him be. Why do we do it? As women I think we have this idealized version of men. That damn 'should' word is evil. He should sweep me off my feet once a day. He should buy me things to show me he cares. He should know how I am feeling without me saying a word. Should, smould, pould, dould. It's crap. We SHOULD love the person we are with and let them be who they are, take it or leave it.
