Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Jerry Garcia had it right..

What a long strange trip it's been.
I can't thank everyone enough for all the support, spoken and silent over the almost year (wow) now.  I have always been a true believer in the universe. I believe that bad things happen so we can wake up to the great things we have and pay them the attention and gratitude they deserve. I believe we all walk a path. Some of us find the well marked, level path and follow it forever, content. Some of us veer off our path's to try a different way and sometimes the rewards are great, sometimes they are painful.
I can honestly say my path was made for me. I have walked the easy path, walked through dense woods, hiked mountains and found my way again.
Having two miscarriages was the best worst thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to look at myself as something I had forgotten to for a long time, human. I am not infalliable. I am not unbreakable. I am human and someone wanted to remind me of that. I have always been someone who distrusts 'easy', who doesn't believe in anything but hard work with a little struggle. Funny how getting what we expect isn't what we want but turns out to be just what we needed.
Ok, philosophical delve, over. On the amazing side. I am pregnant. Almost four months now. Wow writing it makes it so real. This baby is magic, pure and simple. I have felt so awake since I found out I was expecting.
I feel everything. I am so aware of my self (of course the two months of morning sickness and raging hormones help with all the feeling).
I am so grateful for this. So grateful to my husband for loving me so much and loving this baby when it was terrifying to do so. Because I know it was. We were so afraid to believe in this baby, so afraid to plan, to be in love with this little nuggettmonsterbean. We were so afraid we would lose it again but we didn't. This little monster is hanging tough. (yes that is a New Kids reference) So get ready people, for lots of preggo blogs...lots of emotions and lots of talk of food (obsessed) I can't thank you all enough for reading and for sending your words of encouragement or just your positive energy. I have felt it all.
To be continued...