Monday, May 27, 2013

As a rock.

Life is hard. For all of us at one point it can seem damn near impossible.
I am pretty sure we have all had that moment where we are sure we can't breathe, won't survive, have no idea how we will put one foot in front of the other and move forward and feel like our world is collapsing. We've all been there, I know I have and lately I've been trying to figure out why. I don't believe in coincidence or accidents. I believe it fate, faith and a plan. I am not even talking religious faith or belief but rather universal. Faith in your "supposed to".
Life takes turns, dips and dives. We  hit potholes, speed bumps and even road blocks. It's not those things that define our lives though, it's how WE come through them.
I am learning this more and more. Bad things happen, no doubt, but most times good things aren't far behind we just have to be open to them. I think when we are hurt or disappointed we tend to put our walls up almost instantly. We try to protect, to prevent and to heal. The problem is if we aren't careful all that protection leads to isolation and a bitterness that can be hard to shake.
So here's to accepting the pain, the loss, the frustration and allowing the good, the positive and the love in, in spite of the fear. I'm game if you are.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

It's been awhile...

Hello everyone out there in cyber land. It's been awhile. A long while! Wow, where do I begin.
So much has changed. I left the blog for awhile to focus all my energy on this amazing little girl I am blessed to have and to be able to start fresh when I came back. My last post was when I was newly pregnant with her after my miscarriages and experiencing all the incredible changes that come along with creating a human. What an amazing, nauseating, anxiety ridden ride it was. It was a long road to get our healthy little miracle but in hindsight is one I can look back on without a single regret. I know why everything happened the way it did, my faith was shaken during that time but is ultimately stronger than ever now.
Lennox is simply amazing. She is the spitting image of her daddy but definitely has mama's attitude :)
She is going to be one in less than six weeks. I know people always say "time flies' but I never truly believed it until now. Time is the enemy and best friend of mothers and fathers. You can't wait for them to sit up, roll over, crawl, walk, say mama and then they do and you can never go back to the time when they didn't do those things. With every new thing they do they are a baby a little bit less. With every day, week, month that passes they are becoming more and more of a little person and less and less that tiny screaming ball of mush they were they day they changed your world forever.
Time is really all we have with kids. We don't get do overs, we get moments. Moments of sheer frustration and moments of incredible joy. Moments that remind us of our purpose here. To love these little monsters (even when they refuse to sleep) and to give them the very best of us every second of every day.
I know I will blink and she will be walking. I know that one day I will wake up and she will be talking to me. I am fully aware of how quickly the time will go and that in years I will wish and long for these tiny moments I am experiencing right now. Time truly is a fickle friend but without it we would never move forward.
I will be back at this now, when Lenni allows me the time to write (I have already started and stopped this 5 times) and hope you will stay tuned.